The Yateley Yarbler
Flying faster than facts
Yateley’s best satire magazine.
Local campaign successfully raises funds to demolish Greggs’ and replace it with Gail’s as part of new gentrification drive
Campaigners for the ‘Gentrification, Regeneration, and Enterprise Group’ have stated that Greggs, while a fantastic community asset with affordable prices and quality food, nonetheless brings down the area, by being not only “too northern (and therefore terribly working class)” but also “not a Gail’s”. A situation which was only made worse after new northern Prime…
The Green King: New Wetherspoons to open near to The Tythings building
What is the essence of this town? If squeezed into a punch, what would it contain? Many locals argue our eclectic range of pubs is what elevates us as a community. However, for Yateley Westside residents, it’s a different story. Existing in what experts have called a ‘social chasm’, West Yatelerians must resort to a…
Sheer number of roadworks sees Council decide “sod it, let’s just pedestrianise all of Yateley”
With over 90% of Yateley’s roads now under some form of closure due to roadworks, Yateley Town Council has decided to officially confirm a situation that has already been in place, at least unofficially, for some years now, declaring all of Yateley’s roads for the pedestrian. While this is sure to have a negative impact…
Yateley Lion’s start new big cat sanctuary to avoid false advertising lawsuit
After years of significant legal pressure and multiple false advertising lawsuits the Yateley Lions have recently found a clever loophole in the law that will help the group avoid any further multi-million pound out-of-court settlements. The new 12-acre specialist big cat sanctuary, set to be established behind The Cricketers, plans not only to protect endangered…
‘Busmania’ as passengers go feral after Number 3 stalls near Blackwater Lidl for 48 hours
What began as a routine delay for local passengers aboard Stagecoach’s Number 3 service from Yateley to Aldershot, after a low-flying pigeon became trapped in the vehicle’s front-left wheel arch, quickly turned violent. After Lidl worker Jack Stamis approached the bus to bring them a box of chocolate eclairs, the situation dramatically deteriorated. He was…
Ghost Kart: The force haunting the Blackbushe Racing track…
In this week’s edition of Common Knowledge, we explore the elusive Blackbushe Racetrack. For years, it’s hosted Go-Kart events, presumably for someone, while providing a safe space for privately educated teenagers and parents who have too much money, or the genuinely enthusiastic karters, who I wholeheartedly support. When the track isn’t in use, you can…
Your money for your pint! The Highwayman pub stampedes back into Yateley, following local crowdfunding efforts
After 10 years of local fundraising efforts, the historic Highwayman pub will make its triumphant return this November. The Yateley institution closed in 2015 supposedly due to noise complaints, although frequent robbery by masked youths in purely aesthetic tricorn hats and rumours that staff were not allowed to sit down as part of their ‘Stand…
Major Blackbushe runway expansion set to increase air traffic by 1,150%
Formerly a crucial military airbase during the Second World War and once the second largest airport in the country, Blackbushe is soon to be restored to its former glory with a series of new runway expansions set to overrun the Common. Before long, our local airport will be hosting airlines from Pan Am to Ryan…
Our history
The Yateley Yarbler’s history is a varied and extensive one. Launched by local stable hand Job Yates in 1799, the paper ran out of a stable during its formative decades. Writers worked out of various stalls, like champion horses, regularly presenting their success to the eyes of Yateley. By 1912, The Yateley Yarbler had expanded…
Meet John ‘Maverick’ Walker, Stagecoach hotshot and driver of the Number 3 bus
John ‘Maverick’ Walker, or ‘Mav’ to his friends, has been described by superiors and colleagues at Stagecoach as a “reckless and wild cowboy who drives by the seat of his pants”, but also as a rule-breaker of unmatched brilliance and “one of the finest drivers Stagecoach has ever produced”. One co-worker, known simply as ‘Iceman’…
The Tale of the Castle Bottom Bard
In this month’s edition of Common Knowledge, we’ve chosen to investigate the folklore of the Yateley common told through the mouths and eyes of locals. This week we have been lucky to track down and interview Yateley’s only surviving oral storyteller, The Bottom Bard. A hike into the Castle Bottom Hills eventually brought us to…
Wild swimming across Yateley: A very deep dive
Need somewhere to cool off in this record-breaking heat? Today, we explore where you can take a dip in our very own town. From the casual plunger to the everyday dipper, to the potential lawbreaker, we have a body of water for you. No risk Yateley’s Health and Fitness swimming pool is open all day,…
In parking space no one can you hear you scream
We need more parking spaces in Yateley I scream, though I feel like I’m shouting into the void. Granted, I accept that we cannot simply flatten existing areas such as the Common, the Red Cross, or Eversley (as much as I’d like the final one) so as to build a multi-storey car park on top,…
Just plane rude: Will all those aircraft ever be quiet overhead?
Having Yateley Common nearby has countless advantages. Whether you own a dog, a bike, or a desire to roam nature, it offers countless ways to enjoy the great outdoors, without having to hop in a car or board a busy bus. However, there is one rather large, rather noisy downside. Chiefly, that with the common…
Is the turnoff opposite The Royal Oak far too dangerous for drivers?
Every day I fear for my life when cars whip round the Reading Road-Sandhurst Road junction like a bullet in a room. The junction has far too much going on and it isn’t clear who’s right of way it is. I often resort to going left, using the roundabout nearby, even if my end goal…
Proud and prejudiced: Bath needs to stop appropriating Hampshirian Jane Austen culture
I recently visited Bath and was horrified to see many locals and tourists alike donning Regency-style ‘Austen-wear’ in and around the city. I felt like walking up to them and shouting, ’My culture is not your costume,’ but decided to follow in Austen’s footsteps and write critically about them behind their backs instead. Delving deeper,…
Junction dysfunction: People need to stop parking near the Dungells turnoff
As a regular driver, I can’t say something puts more of a bee in my bonnet than people parking their cars near the Freshwood-Dungells junction. It makes what is already a challenging, low-visibility pull-out even harder, which, frankly, I and I’m sure you don’t exactly need! While the hedge could do with being trimmed back,…
Casablackbushe! Casablanca remake begins reshoots at Blackbushe Airport
This summer, highly secretive reshoots for the new Casablanca remake have begun at Blackbushe Airport, which will presumably host the iconic closing sequence in which Rick lets Ilsa escape from Casablanca by plane. Denis Villeneuve is credited as the movie’s director, with Oscar Isaac as the revolutionary, Laszlo. Meanwhile, the movie features celebrity sweethearts Timothée…
